I shot a quick video for you explaining why men pull away, what it means, and what you can do about it.

Here’s the video.

So, in this video, I explain the core driver behind male motivation (hint: No, it is not sex).

I also explain that the core reason why men pull away emotionally is because of this core male motivation.

Their attention is caught on other things like work, family issues, etc.

Now, the core mistake that women make when a guy pulls away like this is to try to compete for his attention. They demand his attention, they issue ultimatums, or otherwise make it difficult for him to address thing thing that is pulling his attention away.

Unfortunately, this strategy that most women use rarely goes well.

Instead of giving you his attention and warmth, he just gets frustrated that he feels he has to choose between what is pressing in his life and you.

Instead, you become an obstacle for him to overcome in order for him to get done what he needs to get done.

And as long as you are an obstacle, he’ll be focused on eliminating you from his life, all while thinking to himself “she really just doesn’t get me, does she?”

This isn’t a great place to be.

So, what you should do instead, is to understand that he needs to focus his attention elsewhere from time to time. Be supportive of this part of him rather than feeling as if you need to compete for his attention.

When he takes care of whatever he needs to take care of, he’ll come back to you, probably grateful for your support through the whole ordeal.

After all, unlike other women, you actually “got” him and didn’t complain or protest that he had to stay late at work to finish up a deadline (or whatever was pulling his attention away).

That’s definitely the way things were with Mika and I when we first started dating.

Here’s a personal example…

I was in grad school at the time, working long hours on my thesis.

She didn’t fight or complain about it. Instead she was supportive.

I remember, there was even a time when I came back from school at at 2:00 in the morning after slaving over my thesis all night.

To my surprise there was a small red box on my doorstep.

At first, I was afraid that it was something from a weirdo student in one of the classes I was a teaching assistant in.

But then I saw a card that said it was from her.

I opened the box and found a care package that Mika had made for me to help me through the process of my thesis. It contained my favorite foods and a nice note about how she knew I was under a lot of pressure, but she was thinking of me.

That was probably the best possible thing she could have done.

After all, I was already stressed out, plus I felt bad about not spending enough time with her.

She didn’t guilt me about it or make me feel like a horrible boyfriend. Instead, she was supportive.

And in the end we got married.


Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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