A lot of women want to know what men want.

It’s normal to wonder about things like this, especially if you want to have a great relationship, but you’re just not quite there yet.

However, things don’t just go in one direction.

Men also want to have great relationships with women (contrary to popular belief…).

What is it that men think women want? What is it they think that they need to have, be, and do in order to win the love of wonderful women like you?

This subject is a little bit close to me. After all, as a man, I used to be in the whole “dating game” before I met Mika. I know all the insecurities and weird hang ups that I’m about to share with you too well.

Plus, I know, from working with male clients, that a lot of my own concerns and worries are extremely common for men.

Here are a few things that men THINK you want in them.

#1 You Want Him to Be the Alpha Male

This one is kind of big.

A lot of men think that women are uncontrollably attracted to the “alpha male.” You know, that one guy that calls all the shots and always gets his way. That one guy that all the other men bow down to and obey. That one guy that makes all the women swoon whenever he so much as walks into a room.

This has led a lot of men to do things to make them appear to be the alpha male when they are out meeting people.

They might try to demonstrate high value (or “DHV”) by telling some sort of “humblebrag” story like how they learned to appreciate the small things in life when they were traveling around the world for a year.

Or they might try bossing people around in an effort to establish themselves as the kind of guy who gives orders to others and gets his way.

Or they might flirt with other women in order to make you think that they have options.

Although it may seem a little pretentious, it is basically all a veiled act meant to cover up their insecurity.

#2 You Want Him to Be Ripped Like Brad Pitt in Fight Club

Most guys wish that they had a great body. They want to be ripped and have six pack abs like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

Some men want it for their own vanity. Others want it because they think it will make them attractive to women.

And sure, taking care of your body and being in great shape are definitely signs of attractiveness.

But know that, just like most women, a lot of guys wish their bodies were leaner or stronger.

#3 You Want Him to Be Loaded and to Pay for Everything

More so than the abs thing, most men believe that you want a man who makes more money than you.

On some weird level, men are conditioned to believe that they need to provide for the women in their lives. Bring home the bacon, ya know.

And I’m sure, you’d be grateful if he carried his own weight with his personal finances. And maybe you’d even like him to be well off.

However, this instinct goes much deeper than that for men. They feel that it is their duty to provide for the women in their lives. In fact, many men feel a sense of pride and positivity when they pay for something for you. Maybe it’s social conditioning, maybe it’s hardwired into our DNA. I don’t know for sure.

In fact, this is why some men try to buy women drinks before they’ve even met them. It can be a little weird, socially, but he’s trying in some awkward way to show you that he’s a provider.

#4 You Want Him to Be Clever and Funny All the Time

Men think that women want someone who is clever and funny. A lot of men know that they can get by with sub-stellar looks as long as they make up for it in personality.

This includes having witty things to say, knowing clever stories and one liners that make them seem confident and cool.

Of course this often ties back to the whole “alpha male” thing. Some men believe that the key sign of an alpha male is that he doesn’t take things too seriously (aka, he doesn’t freak out over petty things). They believe that this is often expressed as jokes and being funny.

Plus, I will also be completely honest with you. One of the best feelings in the world, as a man, is when a woman you are attracted to laughs at one of your jokes. I don’t know, maybe there’s some kind of validation thing involved in that.

#5 You Want Him to Be Kind of a Jerk and a Little Aloof

A lot of men believe in ye olde saying “we all want what we can’t have.

I don’t particularly believe that myself (either for men or for women), but still a lot of men believe this.

This causes them to pull away from time to time. Especially in the early stages of meeting and dating you. They believe that this will increase your interest in him by showing that he doesn’t need you.

This may come across in trying to seem as if he isn’t impacted by you, not calling for a few days after meeting you or going on a date with you, or even doing things that you might actually consider crude or insensitive.

Sure, some men are just jerks. However, most men are decent guys who just want to have a positive interaction with you.

They are afraid of being seen as the “nice guy” and being put in the “friend zone” by you. So, they act a little aloof and like jerks in order to avoid those fates because they believe that it makes them more attractive to you.

Really they just want to impress you and be seen as attractive by you.

#6 You Want Him to Always Know Exactly The Right Things to Say or Do

Men believe that women want them to know the right thing to say and do in every situation.

I’m not sure, but if I had to guess, I think this all goes back to the whole “provide and protect” mentality that men are conditioned to believe in.

Men believe that you want them to know how to fix any problem or smooth over any tricky situation.

This leads a lot of men to pretend to be knowledgable about things when really they have no clue what they are doing. Generally, it’s not an ego thing. They are just trying to impress women and show them that they are good enough.

Really though, most people don’t know what to say or do in every situation. It’s perfectly normal. No matter how much he spreads his “peacock feathers” and acts otherwise, he probably is confused and uncertain more than he gives off.

#7 You Want Him to Always Be Chased By Other Women

Going back to that whole “we all want what we can’t have” thing (which is totally BS, in my opinion, but that’s a topic for another time…), men think that you want a guy if he is chased and pursued by other women.

After all, if other women like him, so the reasoning goes, you’ll think there must be something about him and you’ll start liking him too.

This causes men to pull away from you from time to time when they are meeting or dating you (to prove to you that they don’t need you or to make you think that they might be seeing other women).

They may also try to trigger jealousy in you because, sadly, many men believe that attraction, love, and other positive feelings are actually the same thing as jealousy. (spoiler alert: no they are not).

Sure, some guys are players. Some guys are just out to get as much sex from as many different women as possible. However, most guys really just want to have an awesome girlfriend. For better or worse, many of them think that the way to keep you interested in them is to let you know (or create the appearance) in obvious or subtle ways that they have options with other women.

What You Need to Understand About Men

When it comes down to it, men really aren’t that different from women. They are insecure and anxious about a lot of things in the dating and relating world.

Yeah, there are some players and jerks out there, just like how there are also some pretty messed up women out there, too.

However, most men are well intentioned and they just want you to like them.

They may do some weird things from time to time, but that’s just because most men think it’s what they need to do to impress you, be attractive to you, or otherwise get you to like them.

Your Turn:

What do you think? Are these things I’ve described above things that you want in a man?

Or are there different things that you’re looking for?

Let me know in the comments below.


Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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