Continued from:

4. Self-Inflicted Torture and “The Ring”

ringThe other day, someone emailed me about how his ex often pressured him to propose to her. She even went to the extent of buying her own engagement ring.

When he told her that they had bigger problems in their relationships that needed to be resolved before they took the next step together, she broke up with him.

If you’re a woman who agonizes about when your man will finally slip that ring on your finger, STOP! The more you focus on the future of “what ifs” the more you’re missing out on a chance to make a really wonderful connection with your partner.

Successful relationships don’t happen when you get that ring or on romantic getaways, relationships live and die by the moment to moment choices you make or don’t make on a daily basis.

Learn to appreciate and cherish the small moments you have together.

The expectation of “having it made” once you and your partner decide to take the plunge together is an unrealistic expectation that causes so much disconnect and dissatisfaction in a marriage.

Relying on on external factors in your relationship to make you feel “complete” as a person is self-inflicted torture because in the long run, relationships are built on a lot more than that what you can physically touch.

nowIn the Words of Ram Dass: Be Here Now

When you let expectations do the driving in your relationship, you’re not enjoying actually connecting with your partner in the moment. Instead you’re just having a relationship with ideals and societal roles.

(Hint: This won’t give you the juicy connection you really want)

So, what you need to do is practice accepting what is actually in front of you rather than complaining and worrying about how it doesn’t measure up to your expectations.

Let your expectations go and surrender to the beautiful small moments that are ripe for the picking right now.

This is one thing we teach Passion Program students how to do, that has dramatically improved their ability to connect with their partners in a way that is much more real and enjoyable than simply “keeping up with expectations.

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Have you ever had a something great happen when you were willing to let go of expectations and just enjoy what was happening around you?

It doesn’t have to be relationship-related, anything at all will do.

Leave a comment below with your thoughts.


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Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

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