The Worst Relationship Advice in the World (Shocking Examples Included)

This is Clay, and I’m angry.

A few months ago, Mika and I declared war on all the stupid relationship advice that you’ve probably been fed your entire life.

But what exactly does all this garbage look like?

I recently went spelunking in the sewers of the internet and found some striking examples of the rubbish that passes for advice (a lot of this was found on what many people would consider very reputable websites).

It’s quite shocking how out of touch most of the people giving this advice really are.

I mean this stuff is just BAD!

You’ve probably had so much of this junk forced down your throat your whole life, it’s really no wonder that it’s so difficult to just find the right partner, get along with them, and have a good relationship.

So, put on your galoshes, you don’t want to get any of this slime on you!

This is from a popular women’s website. This bit of “advice” says that having sex is the solution to getting along better with your guy. Not only that, but this advocates approaching sex as a cold, mechanical routine.

Never mind the fact that he’s depressed because he been unemployed for over a year and feels worthless because he can’t get an interview. And just forget about the fact that he doesn’t want to talk to you because he feels like a complete failure and he’s pulling away into his own personal darkness.

The solution?

Just have sex! After all, men hate talking about feelings. Men would rather just “bang it out” (so to speak). There you go, crushing depression solved and relationship restored!

And about the part advocated turning sex into a routine… let me tell you, guys like me, absolutely LOVE women who approach their love life with the same zest and passion as they approach the treadmill!

Are you bored of your relationship? Does the thought of spending another night together with your partner make you want to gauge your eyes out with fondue skewers?

Clearly the solution is to get tickets to an “awesome concert.” I mean, that’s the kind of “outside the box” date idea that no one has ever thought of before.

Problem solved. Creeping dread from the thought of spending the rest of your life with this “boring” person averted by standing in a crowd for two hours listening to muffled, overly loud music.

Thank God, you didn’t have to, you know, actually talk to that boring SOB!

Do you feel your man slipping away from you? Is each day more excruciating as you feel him drifting further away while all those warm memories from the beginning of the relationship become cold, dead shadows?

You can get all that back by putting on an XXL sports jersey for some team you don’t know anything about and sitting around all afternoon being bored out of your skull by doing something you hate.

But, hey, subjecting yourself to things you have no interest in and trying to be someone you’re not shows that you’re “easygoing and cool.”

This sounds like you’re on the fast track for a relationship that all your friends will envy.

This bit of advice is geared toward women going through a breakup.

A lot of people will tell you to flirt or even date other people to get over your ex. I think this is stupid advice because it reinforces the idea that you should look to other people to define how you feel about yourself. It’s one thing if you have the intention of actually dating these guys, but to use them and lead them on for the sole purpose of an ego boost is not only selfish, but childish and immature.

Here’s another gem for the ladies going through a breakup.

Again, this advice recommends that you fill the gaping void in your heart with “fierce” shoes. Filling your life with objects in an attempt to numb out the pain you’re feeling is a great recipe for a jaded and cynical existence (trust me, I’ve been there–just, you know, without the “fierce” shoes…).

This is bad advice because it also encourages women to rack up some hefty debt in an attempt to self-medicate after a break up. In a recent survey, a group of 2000 recently dumped women reported that they spent an average of £500 or $780 (depending on which side of the pond you’re on).

Three-quarters of the women in this study said that the cost of this shopping spree was worth it, but is it really? According to the study, women do this post-breakup splurge because they feel self-conscious about their looks after a breakup. Is that really the “fix” for feeling insecure about your beauty? And will it still be “worth it” after the sugar high of new clothes wears off and you’re left feeling crushed again (with an added $780 of bills to top it all off)?

What could be more attractive than a sociopath who pretends to care about stuff just so he can meet women? I can’t possibly imagine why you might still be single!

OMG! Who are the 26 people who actually “like” this crap?

This is what I think when I read each of these bits of “advice” for men:

1. “Oh, babe. I know we just finished fighting, so let me just tell you something stupid so we can start a new fight.”

2. Unless a woman is screaming at you, she is mad at you (and probably going to murder you). WTF?!? (I think I just gave myself a headache trying to understand this reasoning…)

3. Her: I want a divorce. I can’t believe you stole money from me and cheated on me with my sister.

Him: Remember the last time we had sex in an elevator? I bet we could do even better.

Her: Oh, honey, you’re so romantic. Maybe we can work things out after all.

4. Instead of trying to find someone who is a great fit for you and you get along great with, you should just settle because you probably can’t do any better. After all, trying is the first step toward failure.

5. Making out and having sex are the solution to all relationship problems (see #3).

6. I actually agree with this advice. I guess if you type enough moronic and insulting advice, you are bound to accidentally offer something helpful sooner or later.

7. Seriously? Golf and fencing… Are you kidding me? “Hey, babe, I know you’ve wanted to kill me recently, so I bought some swords for you to play with.”

22 thoughts on “The Worst Relationship Advice in the World (Shocking Examples Included)

  • January 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm
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    Dear Clay & Mika,

    If your advice blog had been around when I was young, cute and dating – I might’ve actually gotten married. Even though the horses may have all left the burning barn, I still read it just in case I get the opportunity again to show I can be a better man.

    Thanks,
    jim

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    Clay Replied:

    @Jim, Thank you for your comment. Personally, I don’t believe it’s ever too late if you really do want to get married. I once knew a guy in his 50’s who had gone through two divorces. When he came out, he was incredibly depressed, but he rebuilt himself and then challenged himself to date every woman he possibly could. At one point he was even dating a 27 year old woman (half his age). The whole thing really scared him and made him confront his limiting beliefs (mostly about being that “creepy” guy that dates all the really young women). It was a huge opportunity for him to grow as a person and rethink what was and was not available to him.

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  • January 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm
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    Man that is some outlandish B.S. and I agree with you here. The sad part is that I have seen it time and time again, and my soon to be x- wife now is on it now and there no stopping her. The stuff people get brain washed with is insane. Thank you for your site, I’m loving it.

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    Clay Replied:

    @Josh, Thank you for your comment. I used to fall victim to a lot of that stuff too, and when I did I felt alone and depressed by humanity. After a lot of soul-searching on my part, I’ve come to the conclusion that people really aren’t like that, they’ve just been brain-washed to think that they need to be for one reason or another. In my personal experience, people have very complex and rich personalities.

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  • January 27, 2012 at 11:37 pm
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    Hi Clay and Mika,

    I agree with the idea of rejecting playing games and pretending to be something you’re not. Both of these wreak of insecurity. Better to build your confidence and grow your inner strength, and just allow a stronger, more grounded you to manifest.

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    Clay Replied:

    @Hiten, Thanks for your comment. Yes, I think that this is one of the main reasons why people have relationship problems. Being authentic to who you are will get you more real love than forcing yourself into being something you’re not.

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    Mika Replied:

    Great comment, Hiten! I completely agree that playing games or using manipulative “tricks” will only compromise your integrity and inner strength. When you compromise your integrity, you’re allowing room for fear to take place and create a foundation for a weak and brittle relationship.

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  • January 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm
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    Agree with all of this, and see my soon to be ex has followed the ‘maul’ her advice. Worse thing is its the ‘other women love it’ stuff he has read that gets pushed at me and makes me feel inadequate. Mens magazines are as much to blame I think.

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    Clay Replied:

    @Rachel, Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry that it seems your relationship is in trouble. Remember that no matter what magazines or other people tell you, only you can decide to believe it and only you can allow them to make you feel inadequate. Men’s magazines are part of the problem, but I think the roots run a lot deeper in our society.

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  • February 2, 2012 at 12:53 am
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    Very Interesting and proferssional advice, kept some points there for future use. very well delivered.

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    Clay Replied:

    @Mike, Thanks for your comment and thank you for reading the blog.

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  • February 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm
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    Ha ha… These are classic. My favorite is number 1 in the list of 7. That really is amazingly bad. I think it is important to note that like most things, there are good and bad forms of relationship advice. I sympathize with the other commenters who have had relationship problems caused by bad advice. But I’ve seen good relationship advice save plenty of relationships…

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    Clay Replied:

    Thanks for your comment. I went to school at the University of Washington in the architecture program, right next door to John Gottman’s office in the Psychology Building. It’s cool that you found my site, even though I have my suspicions you’re just commenting for SEO backlinks :)

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  • July 15, 2012 at 6:22 am
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    Awsome post! First time visitor and just now beginning to wake up from the madness. So glad I found this website through a post from Mika in another marriage website column! I’m a newlywed myself. Married 6 months going on 7. We dated for 5 years beforehand. We’ve Gina through a lot! communicate differently and misunderstand each other all the time! But we know we love each other and we always keep an open mind. I used to read all those relationship advices but they never worked only caused frustration and resentment on my part. How wrong I was! My hubby is just being himself and I’m the one trying to be someone I’m not only to receive what I want. I didnt appreciate what my hubby HAS done and i’m sure i made him feel like he’s not good enough…And Mika made a great point in her post: a woman shouldn’t need anyone to make her feel worthy, that should come from within herself. When she loves herself, she becomes more attractive! I just learned that the hard way (it took a few years to finally get it)and you just confirmed it and made it real for me. Thank you!

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    Clay Replied:

    @Monica, Thanks so much for you comment! I’ll be sure to pass this on to Mika. Stuff like this really makes her day :)

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  • September 2, 2012 at 7:48 am
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    My last relationship was a long one and I’m just getting to the point where I’m thinking of dating again. But, since I haven’t dated since I was a teenager, it feels like all the growing up I’ve done in the meantime is out the window and suddenly I’m worried about everything again! Thanks for this post – it’s helped remind me that most of what I worry about is nonsense and any man I’d actually like to date would see it’s nonsense too.

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  • September 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm
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    This article really made me laugh. I’ve been a member of various relationship websites for many years now, and you’d be surprised at some of the horrendous advice that comes alongside it. Although in saying that, some of the advice you get out there can really change your life for the better.

    I especially love the “Hanging with the guys” advice piece, I mean, how ridiculous? Sure, it’s great to show interest in your boyfriends interests, but this just seems chauvinist and pathetic to be honest.

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  • February 20, 2013 at 11:31 pm
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    Dear Clay, thank you for this!

    I am one of those who type “relationship advice” or “tips for successful relationships” on Google quite often. Thank God I found Path to Passion, and I must say, I’ve never felt such empathy from a blog the way I feel with you and Mika. I am well on my way to accomplishing the Relationship Reboot course.

    I am in a cross-cultural relationship (I am Filipino and my boyfriend is Vietnamese), which makes it a challenge for me to be compassionate sometimes. But I am trying, and I can feel that he is as well. Early on in our relationship, I was supposed to “give up” already because he seemed to “lack” qualities I was looking for in a guy (yeah, I was that pathetic). One of those qualities was being romantic. I, being an artist, had 2 past relationships with fellow artists (1 was a photographer and the other a musician and painter), and I was used to receiving hand-written notes, sketches of myself, a personally-written song, etc. However, my boyfriend now is the complete opposite of romantic. I felt he never understood my “needs” and demanded for him to give them to me. One time, I read an article in a supposedly credible website, saying, “If you go into birthdays and Valentine’s Day hoping he will break the mold and do something special and then you get upset when he doesn’t, you’re not being superficial. You’re hoping for something special because you feel ignored and under-appreciated all year. Find a guy who is thoughtful the entire year and you’ll stop wasting all your energy hoping against hope that he’ll finally prove how much he does care about you.” (Huffington Post)

    I actually BELIEVED this. I was on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend. I felt that we simply were not compatible because my needs were not being met by him.

    Good thing that with constant communication, openness, and prayer, somehow, we manage to adjust to each other. He is not romantic still, and I do still feel needy sometimes, but I can see that we’re trying to allow each other to express our love in the ways that we know. A BIG chunk of our expectations is cultural, so I always try to be clear about everything. We have agreed that we shouldn’t make assumptions about each other’s behavior.

    Thanks to Path to Passion, I am learning how to be more loving to myself & to others, more than I ever thought I could.

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    Mika Replied:

    Ivee, I’m glad you and your boyfriend are 100% committed to making this work.
    It sounds like you’re also practicing to let go of that need to control what you can’t control–him. It’s sooo hard for many of us to let go of the need to make sure things end up how we want it to, but really we only have control over how ourselves. We can’t MAKE others feel XYZ or do this or that… the more we try, the more desperate and needy we become and the more stress is put on our relationships. Kudos to you for learning to Accept:)

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  • March 7, 2013 at 7:05 am
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    I think some of the worst advice I’ve got is that “He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love you”. This is misleading, because it makes you feel like you’re being the idiot by not realising that he “must” love you. People are more complicated than that.

    It also isn’t true – one hopes people are with one another because they love each other, but there are many reasons that people decide to be in a relationship.

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    Mika Replied:

    Karen,

    Yes! Such great insights, thanks for adding another one:) I agree with you, the mentality that he must love you or else why he would be with you is utter BS and comes from a place of lack. If their words don’t match up with their actions than a MUCHO GRANDE rojo flag with a side of salsa should appear.

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  • November 2, 2013 at 12:49 am
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    Hi Clay,

    Thank you for this post. I finally feel normal after reading this. I recognise the magazine from which the quotes are taken. I used to feel stupid even reading some articles from it and thinking to myself “God! Is having a relationship or being single all about sex and booze” I could never agree with the idea and thought I’m a weirdo. But it’s great to see you guys endorsing and educating people about how to have a real relationship. Thank you :)

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