I consider myself really childish sometimes.

Not childish in a sense that I shit my pants or throw myself to the ground if I don’t get my way.

(Only Clay begs to differ since I am known to have thrown a few “food temper tantrums” in my day).

I ask a lot of questions. I have the tendency to always want to KNOW… to be sure and have all the answers.

Just like a reader who recently asked me a question that I used to ask myself relentlessly.

How do I know that he REALLY loves me?

I’ve asked Clay this questions in various ways.

Will you still love me when I’m old and wrinkly?
Will you still want to have sex with me (permitting you’re on top) even if I gain 50 pounds?’
Will you still love me no matter how attractive your lady friend is?”

His answers have always been accompanied with the rolling of the eyes and an exasperated  “Yes I do, you fart nugget!

I know a lot of people are plagued by limiting questions their Dirty Harriet asks of them, like…“Am I enough?”

Am I good enough for you to stay?
Am I smart enough for someone as intelligent as yourself?
Am I beautiful enough for you to want me?

Even the most confident person the world would be lying if they said they’ve never doubted themselves before.

When people cling to the notion of certainty…they cling to an illusion.

I mean, how do you really know:

  • That you won’t wake up to an F5 category tornado?
  • The world is going to end on December 21st?
  • Someone isn’t breaking into your home at this precise moment?

For all I really know… Clay could be chatting with girls online about the size of his…umm his car.

So, back to that question of “How do you know when someone loves you?

You never will know for sure.

You can never be 100% certain of anyone’s love.

I will never know for a fact that he really loves me as much as my 100% certainty of me peeing my pants if I am tickled for a long period of time.

Unless this person is you, there is no telling on what someone really thinks or feels.

All you can do is TRUST and tell your inner critic to shut up.

To help you trust in their love…know that no matter what happens in your relationship, YOU WILL BE OKAY.

You will rise above your weaknesses, your perceived flaws and the internal BS that prevents you from moving forward with your life.

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About The Author

Mika

Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

9 Responses to So, How Do You Know When Someone Loves You?

  1. Samantha G. says:

    Hey Mika,
    you couldn’t have been closer to readin’ my mind. I hear ya. this is something I’m always asking my boyfriend, i know it makes me look needy but I CAN’T HELP IT. i just need to get over my own baggage and LET him love me…UGHH. it’s so hard to do since all those thoughts get into my head. Any advice?

    [Reply]

    Mika Replied:

    Hey Samantha,

    Here’s a thing about thoughts. When you FOCUS on what you don’t want (him leaving you), you’re essentially creating thoughts and those thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions and your actions create you asking those annoying questions.

    Seriously, whenever you are feeling bad, you are focusing on whatever you don’t want. I know that sounds simplistic but it really is the cause of what’s happening. Another thing about thoughts your mind naturally gravitates to, your LIMITING beliefs about yourself will filter your experiences, thus creating certain experiences.

    Sam, practice working on your self-esteem and changing those limiting beliefs that drives a wedge between you and your partner. Thanks for reaching out:)

    [Reply]

  2. Alex says:

    It’s never what a person says, but what they do that is most telling as to whether or not someone truly loves you. Well tell the truth through our actions, not our words.

    If a person’s actions bring you closer together, you know things are headed the right direction.

    That said, we still need to be in a good place to receive someone else’s love. Self esteem is huge.

    Great post!

    [Reply]

    Mika Replied:

    Hey Alex! It’s been awhile, great to hear from you:)

    YES! You are absolutely right that actions are a telling sign of how someone truly feels about you. Actions speak louder than words since our actions are a direct result of our beliefs, values and integrity. Anyone can promise you the world, but to fight tooth and nail for you to have it is another matter.

    [Reply]

  3. Julie says:

    I love this post so much! I should send this one to my OH (other half). :) He and I both have trust issues but our reactions are different. He can be quite the jealous and control freak and I, on the other hand, just keep my guards up and won’t allow myself to love stupidly like I did with my first relationship (which nearly killed me when it ended). I know we’re going at it the wrong way but that’s how things are with us (and why I’m here, searching for advice).

    [Reply]

    Mika Replied:

    Thanks Julie:)

    Yeah, a lot of us have our own emotional coping mechanism. Some people completely react to the situation without thinking and some people numb themselves to the situation as a form of self preservation. It doesn’t matter how things were in the past, what matters is what you do RIGHT NOW. Some people don’t take action as their relationship is hanging on by a single thread and some people (like you) are here right now, ready to make real and tangible changes. xx!

    [Reply]

  4. Anamika says:

    Well said. I agree with you that what you really have to build up first is YOU. You will be ridden of all these fears once you begin to trust YOU and once you achieve that, you can begin having healthy interpersonal relationships. :)
    Thanks for sharing!

    [Reply]

  5. Kitty says:

    This is an awesome post! i just had this discussion recently and enough said with doubting ourselves. We do have to learn to boost our self esteem during these down time and stop asking our other half!
    Once we kept asking our other half they’ll start walking on egg shells and start doubting their actions too! so its a loop of bad events really!

    Thank you Mika!

    [Reply]

    Mika Replied:

    Hey Kitty,

    Yes! I’m glad you get that the only person who can make us feel validated is ourselves. I know it’s soooo easy to look towards our partners when we start to feel insecure but when you do continuously doubt their love, it adds a lot of tension in the relationship. Also, doubting their love may eventually lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where your insecurity caused a rift in the relationship. Thanks for you comment.

    [Reply]

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