Should you ask a man out?

Or should you wait for him to make the first move?

It’s no surprise that woman like men who take initiative, set the tone, and take the lead.

But what happens when you like him, and he just isn’t stepping up to the plate?

Well, I can tell you from first hand experience, that this is a bit of a common problem with men in our day and age. Many of them just are not accustomed to taking initiative with women.

There are a lot of reasons for this ranging from societal passiveness in general to men trying to let women be more equal due to exposure to feminist ideas. Now isn’t the time to really discuss all that heavy stuff.

This is only a relationship blog after all…

So should you ask him out or not?

Generally, no.

If you have to take the lead because he won’t, that’s probably going to be a lasting problem between the two of you.

You have to be able to accept him as he is.

If he’s passive, then you had better get used to him being passive.

Do people change? Of course.

Should you bank on him changing for you? Absolutely not.

How you find him is how he is likely to stay.

However, you also need to look at how you’re bringing yourself to the interactions.

Could it be that you’re accidentally emasculating him?

Believe it or not, this kind of thing happens a lot.

Sometimes a guy will try to step up and take the lead.

He’ll say something like, “Hey, I’ll pick you up at your place at 7:00.”

But then, the woman will accidentally cut him down with something like, “Oh no that’s okay. I can just drive over to that side of town. It’ll be easier that way.”

Now, that sort of thing might seem like nothing at all.

But if done on a consistent basis, it can actually train the man NOT to take the lead.

I know to you, you probably just want to save him some time or not be an inconvenience or something along those lines.

But he doesn’t care about that.

He didn’t offer to pick you up because it was the most efficient thing to do.

(Hint: He did it because he actually wanted to take the lead and spend time with you in the car.)

Most men want to lead.

They really do.

The problem is that there are a lot of things in this world that can discourage them from doing so. Some of those things are subtle. Some of them aren’t.

I know that we all want gender equality. It’s great when it comes to things like our career and politics.

But when it comes to dating, appreciate the fundamental differences between men and women.

Relax and let the man lead.

When he says he’ll pick you up at 7:00, let him do it.

Remember, it’s a date, not an exercise it tactical logistics :)


Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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