I paced around the park across the street just trying to get my nerves under control. I had never done anything like this before. Ten minutes before my appointment, I realized there was no backing out and I went into his office and checked in with the receptionist.
Shortly later, he came out and took me back into his office. The room was filled with couches and chairs with a wooden table in the center. The whole room had a very manly feel to it–earthy with tones of brown and beige. There were a bunch of copies of his book on a bookshelf, a book I had read several times. This isn’t what I imagined a psychologist’s office to look like, but then again, this was the first one I had ever been to.
After a brief interview with me, I was in. I had joined one of Dr. Robert Glover’s men’s therapy groups.
You See, I Was a Nice Guy
I first heard of Dr. Robert Glover when I was a freshman in college. I heard an interview with him on a local radio station. He described what is known as Nice Guy Syndrome, a chronic need to meet other’s needs over your own mixed with an anxiety about voicing your own needs or emotions and a dash of passive aggressiveness (sounds like fun, huh?).
It was like he was peering into my own fucked up head! I ordered his book No More Mr. Nice Guy and tore through it quicker than I’ve ever read any other book. It was like the entire book was written about me! All those moments when I was too afraid to speak my mind or show my feelings. All those times when I felt like I just needed to take care of others. All those times when I felt compelled to just sit in my cushy comfort zone rather than reach out and do all the things that really mattered to me.
But I got caught up in school and let the book gather dust on the shelf for a few years.
You are the second person to say that fear and excitement are the same emotion! May it sink in for all of us! And Congratulations!
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I think that many people get stuck in the nice guy zone or the friend zone because they are afraid of someone not liking them. I hear people say all the time, “how did that jerk get that girl?” The main reason is because that jerk isn’t afraid to piss her off, offend her or have her hate him. He is going about his life the way that he wants to. I don’t recommend going around and being a jerk, but do what feels right for you. Its an attractive quality to live life on your terms and by your rules.
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