Make Self-Love Automatic: 3 Ways to Start Loving Yourself Today

Clay and I want to help you EMPOWER yourself to change your love life. Whether your relationship is hanging on by a single thread or you’re in a bad situation you can’t get out of…we want to create a safe space for you to better cope  with the bad moments in your love life.

One of our readers wrote in and asked us a question that I think a lot of people can relate to.

(By the way: If haven’t written back to your email, don’t take it personally, sometimes looking at my inbox can be overwhelming. But I pinky promise I’ll write back.)

Our reader wrote in:

I want to have a loving relationship with myself and my partner and not always feel like everything external, outside of myself has to make me happy. I know that this does not work but I really want to experience internal love and joy with myself but don’t know how to get there.

She knows what major obstacle is but she just doesn’t know how to LOVE herself enough to empower change within her relationship.

If you’re in a dark place in your relationship, here are few things that will help you jump start self-love so that you can improve your relationship.

1. Your Relationship Lives and Dies By What You Choose to Do NOW

Think about. What happened in the past does not have anything to do with where your relationship is going NOW. Unless you have a big shiny time machine you’re holding out on me, there’s nothing you can do to change the past.

Forget about the past.

Forget about the future.

Just focus on right now.

You’ll feel negative emotions like resentment, bitterness, and sadness whenever you’re stuck in the past.

You can’t undo what your partner said or didn’t say.
You can’t undo the pain of a shattered broken heart from your previous relationship.
You can’t undo the huge argument you had with your partner last night.

Might as well move forward, right?

You also feel anxiety, jealousy and fear when you worry about the future.

What if my partner will eventually realize it’s not me they want?
What if this relationship will end up like my last one?
What if I’m not good enough to make this work?

(A side note about jealousy: Your fears will fuel your jealousy but being out of the present moment will only fan the flames of your fears.)

You’re creating suffering and pain over something that did NOT HAPPEN.


Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

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6 thoughts on “Make Self-Love Automatic: 3 Ways to Start Loving Yourself Today

  • October 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

    This helped give me some clarity. I KNOW I need to be better about being kind to myself. I CUT MYSELF DOWN SO MUCH more than anybody else i know. It’s ruining my relationship. My boyfriend says im always negative these days and doens’t seem as excited to be with me as he used to be:(

    I find it so hard to stop being so critical of!


    Mika Replied:


    It sounds like you’re clinging to an attached outcome (which usually adds even more suffering to ANY situation) and makes you send vibes of desperation to ANYONE. When you do this, you make it less fun to be around you.

    Practice self-love and learn how to be emotionally reliant on yourself instead of projecting all your emotional baggage out onto your boyfriend. Take a deep breath and let go of this need of control. Accept yourself without his or anyone’s approval to just be.


  • October 11, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Hi Mika, Wow when I read the line, You’re creating suffering and pain over something that didn’t happen, it hit home. My subconscious is reliving the past about a situation that I desperately thought would happen but didn’t. I definitely need to move forward and MAKE things HAPPEN for me and not dwell on what I thought was going to happen. Thank you for enlightening me. Slow learner I guess LOL always sending you Loving Kindness.


    Mika Replied:

    I like what you wrote.Your subconscious is RELIVING the past through your current situation. Being present will really help you let go of the past. For some people it’s not easy being fully present but knowing that they have control of how much suffering they endure is hopefully empowering enough to make changes. It’s better to be a learn at a slower pace than to never ‘get it’ at all:)
    Much love & light,



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