Clay and I want to help you EMPOWER yourself to change your love life. Whether your relationship is hanging on by a single thread or you’re in a bad situation you can’t get out of…we want to create a safe space for you to better cope  with the bad moments in your love life.

One of our readers wrote in and asked us a question that I think a lot of people can relate to.

(By the way: If haven’t written back to your email, don’t take it personally, sometimes looking at my inbox can be overwhelming. But I pinky promise I’ll write back.)

Our reader wrote in:

I want to have a loving relationship with myself and my partner and not always feel like everything external, outside of myself has to make me happy. I know that this does not work but I really want to experience internal love and joy with myself but don’t know how to get there.

She knows what major obstacle is but she just doesn’t know how to LOVE herself enough to empower change within her relationship.

If you’re in a dark place in your relationship, here are few things that will help you jump start self-love so that you can improve your relationship.

1. Your Relationship Lives and Dies By What You Choose to Do NOW

Think about. What happened in the past does not have anything to do with where your relationship is going NOW. Unless you have a big shiny time machine you’re holding out on me, there’s nothing you can do to change the past.

Forget about the past.

Forget about the future.

Just focus on right now.

You’ll feel negative emotions like resentment, bitterness, and sadness whenever you’re stuck in the past.

You can’t undo what your partner said or didn’t say.
You can’t undo the pain of a shattered broken heart from your previous relationship.
You can’t undo the huge argument you had with your partner last night.

Might as well move forward, right?

You also feel anxiety, jealousy and fear when you worry about the future.

What if my partner will eventually realize it’s not me they want?
What if this relationship will end up like my last one?
What if I’m not good enough to make this work?

(A side note about jealousy: Your fears will fuel your jealousy but being out of the present moment will only fan the flames of your fears.)

You’re creating suffering and pain over something that did NOT HAPPEN.

2.YOU Create Your Own Suffering.

You’re probably tired of me repeating this in every post but it’s just too damn relevant to ALL BAD FEELINGS.

Some people subconsciously make themselves feel bad. Many times, people can’t help but automatically think about what they don’t want to happen.

Here’s an example from the other day.

I was in a rotten mood and Clay was trying his best to cheer me up.


Clay said, “Oh yeah! I forgot, no one wants to feel better!”

I busted out laughing.

I was subconsciously choosing to stay in my bad mood!

See? Even I forget my own advice sometimes. If only I learned this before I went through my desperate spiral.

As an act of self-preservation, people have the tendency to focus on what they don’t want to happen. If they focus on what they don’t want, they’re trying to mentally prepare themselves.

Instead, they create self-fulfilling prophecies.

No wonder these people always have SOMETHING to complain about… they subconsciously find a way to close themselves off just to prove their limiting beliefs are true!

Last but definitely not least…

3. Be Kind to Yourself

Ever struggled to ACCEPT a compliment and really acknowledge it? I mean really feel it all the way to your toes that you are amazing?

You can have a thousand compliments a day but if one person said something negative, you’d probably focus on that ONE thing and take it to heart…all day long.

Your biggest critic is yourself!

To be at peace with yourself you need to be KINDER TO YOURSELF.

Forgive your mistakes and ASPIRE to positivity as you focus on what you WANT instead of dwelling on what can’t be undone.

Your inner critic of yours (also known as Dirty Harriet/Harry) is the only voice that feeds you BS thoughts like, “Oh, I’m not good enough.

You will never get the love you want unless you are truly at peace with yourself.

It will take time to undo the cycle of your self-destructive thought patterns.

As long as you let go of the past, stop worrying about the future and to be KINDER TO YOURSELF… you will be well on your way to getting the love you want.

You are loved,


PS: Clay and I have been working with people learn how to love themselves at the depths of their core, thus transforming  their relationship.

If you’re losing much needed sleep at night because you’re riddled with relationship problems and you want to learn how to laugh and connect with your partner again (just like the old days), be sure to check out the Passion Program.

photo credit: Sean Molin Photography via photopin cc


Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

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