For years now, Clay and I have been helping people with their relationships. And we’ve met and connected with amazing people along the way–many I would consider cherished  friends.

Here’s is a post from someone near and dear to my heart–Allow me to introduce Rashmi.

Rashmi started off as reader of this blog, looking for answers in the midst of emotional turmoil. Since then she has turned her life around and is being the change she wants to see happen in her own (love) life.

Without further ado, here is Rashmi.


small__4158928239“You will never get there!” 

“You’re not good enough”

“Why don’t you just give up?”

These are some of the incessant thoughts Harriet keeps throwing at me. In addition to living with a psychotic bitch in my head I constantly have to fight the urge to get entangled in all the meaningless 100 million thoughts that run through my mind every single day.

It’s exhausting.

We’re all far too familiar with this voice than we would like to admit, and we all know her as our ego a.k.a Harriet. Fueled purely by fear she chants the same mantras day in and day out to crush our spirits and motivation.

 “Die dreams DIE! “– Thanks a lot for that, Harriet.

Oh! If only I were a psychiatric doctor I would have prescribed myself some valium put me in a straight jacket and thrown myself in a cushioned room!

Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far with her constantly bringing me down.

Then it hit me, yes… we all have a Dirty Harriet but we also have a higher self.

We refer to our higher self by different names; sometimes we call it the presence of God, being, and the Vortex to name a few.

What you call it is not important, because it essentially means the same thing.

It is our internal guiding system, our friend, our motivator and above all it is a state of mind.

It is our mind in absolute stillness emanating peace, bliss and joy.

It gives us hope and courage to step out of our comfort zone. It gives us peace and love to embrace life in all its forms.

Just like happiness, pain is a part of life.

Of course things are not always going to work out the way we want them to, and there is no way around it.

But what we do have is a choice, a choice on how we respond to life situations.

How we respond to life situations gives us the ability to see life as an uplifting adventure or a miserable existence.

That does not mean you have to suppress all your negative emotions and fake a smile, all emotions are fleeting and if you allow yourself to feel your emotions without attaching any sort of negativity to it, it will pass through you.

This prevents your ego from building an identity and a story around the situation. The minute you attach an identity and a story, you will keep replaying those emotions over and over again and before long…

…You become the story and everything around you turns in to a reflection of the story you tell yourself.

Harriet and the higher self are both a part of us.

While there may not be any solution to getting rid of Harriet once and for all there are ways of silencing her and keeping her under check. Practicing meditation and mindfulness are two very effective techniques.

Given the option to either listen to your ego or your higher self, why do we continue listening to the side that always brings us down?

That always reminds us of our limitations, lack and fear? Is it because we’re afraid of being humiliated and rejected? Or is it because we prefer being in a state of constant misery?

Believe it or not, after years and years of practice we’ve become addicted to feeling a certain way.

It has become a part of our identity.

small_1481714725We are motivated to stick to our negative patterns because of the gratification linked to feeling this way.

For instance we do it to get sympathy or to feel superior to others by thinking of all the wrong others and life has done on to us. How many of us are guilty of doing this?

Of course we don’t do it consciously but we all have that Victim Mentality ingrained in our ego. Only the intensity of it varies from person to person. It’s another mechanism through which we’ve learned to  cope when life gets shitty.

But the good news is you can stop this.

Just like breaking any addiction, it will take practice and a lot of self control. I’m sure some of you reading this would just be nodding your heads and thinking “what nonsense why on earth would I make myself miserable?” But that’s exactly what your ego wants you to think. The more you identify with it the more difficult it is to break the habit.

Practice always asking yourself “What am I thinking right now?” and “What am I feeling right now?”

This will allow you to shed some light in to your thought and emotion patterns.

My motivation for writing  this is because I’m someone who constantly struggles with Harriet (or my ego as some would call it) just like everyone else. She’s caused me more misery than anyone or anything else. If left unchecked she still does a pretty good job running havoc inside my head.

Though I’m more aware of her shenanigans but I admit I do have my low points. I’m currently working through some Dirty Harriet (ego) related problems and what better time to show that I practice what I preach right?

[stextbox id=color=”000000″ bcolor=”000000″ bgcolor=”72dae8″](Q): What does your inner critic or Dirty Harriet (Harry) tell you?[/stextbox]

Photo credit: 1 2

About Rashmi

RASHMIAfter years of wandering feeling sad, depressed and lonely, I recently learned the art of self reliance with a tinge of positivity and come to see the transformation it has had on my life. I’m a firm believer that my attitude is responsible for my life experiences and I always strive to feel good about myself and my life experiences no matter how bad things may be. So I continue to work on what I love, while helping those around me.

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