Continued from: Losing Yourself in a Relationship and the Myth of Completing One Another

Most (Sane) People Want to Be in a Relationship with a Person Who Has a Fully Developed Life

These days, if I ever go out of town, I know that Mika isn’t going to be sitting at home trying to think up 25 things she could do to kill time until I return.

She’s probably going to be reading a book and drinking a mocha in the coffee shop down the street. Maybe she’ll go look at outfits at one of the stores on the main street. She might catch up with a friend over Indian food (in which case, I hope she brings me back some mutter paneer!). Or she might do a few sun salutations.

It’s not my job to define who she is, and I love that!

We’re both independent and emotionally self-sufficient, we don’t need each other to make us whole.

“But That’s Not Romantic!”

Maybe that’s what you’re thinking. After all, shouldn’t your partner “complete” you?

In a word, no. (And don’t get me started on “romance” either)

Love is about a shared journey together. It is about enjoying time together because you enjoy being around one another… not because you need to be around one another because you are terribly afraid of being alone or because you both need to mutually prop one another up emotionally.

So What Do You Do to Discover Who You Are?

Well, if you’re a Passion Program member, you already know exactly what to do. Just revisit module seven and add those three things to your life. We even told you a little about what those three things a few weeks ago when Mika wrote about being too busy to date (she just told the other side of the coin).

But if you’re not signed up with the Passion Program, I’m going to give you a little help.

Get in the habit of asking yourself questions.

Specifically, “What do I want?”

The more you ask yourself any given question, the more your mind will focus on finding the answer.

Thus, if you ask yourself questions like, “Why am I such a loser?” Your mind will be forced to invent an answer!

So, why not ask yourself a more empowering question?

For the purposes of getting in touch with who you are, ask yourself on a regular basis, “what do I want?”

Now, it may take a bit of time before the answers start coming, but they will eventually come. (And please, try to dig a little deeper than “I just want to be happy.”)

[stextbox id=”P2P” caption=”Your Turn:”]

1. Leave a comment below telling us what you want for yourself.

Do you want a little personal time to read a book? Do you want to take a writing class? Do you want to run a marathon?

Write down at least one thing that you’d like.

2. Start off the new year right by signing up for our live webcast where we will show you how to discover who you are and get the love you want in 2013.



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Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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