Hey there, this is Clay.

Today, I’m taking a break from the videos we’ve been posting answering your questions. Sometimes I just need to vent a few of my own ideas here :)

Mika and I just finished up a really cool project yesterday. We still have to do some polishing up and technical stuff before we’re ready to share it with you, but let me just say that this will be a total “game changer.

(Hint: It involves a 3 month trip half-way around the world that completely changed our relationship. And we’re hoping to share the same transformation with you–the trip half-way around the world is optional…)

Anyway, I’m a little relieved because, to be quite honest with you, this project has consumed nearly all of my energy for the past few months.

And now I feel like I can finally devote some more time here :)

Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day who is uncertain about the guy she’s seeing.

She wanted to know if this is the “right” relationship for her.

I mean, maybe there’s someone else out there better for her.

Someone who says all the right things, always knows what she wants, and has that shirt-ripped-open-with-exposed-Fabio-chest physique.

How do you know if you’re in the right relationship?

It’s a tough question, and it’s definitely something that I used to struggle with myself back when I was with my ex.

I mean, part of me never really wanted to fully commit to a relationship because I wasn’t sure if she was right for me.

Now, I never cheated on her or anything like that, but I just wasn’t “all the way there,” if you know what I mean. It’s like my energy was only half there.

That relationship didn’t work out for a lot of very fundamental reasons aside from my energy, but this is a common problem that I believe a lot of people have with their relationships.

Maybe you’re just “hanging out” with your partner until someone better comes along, thinking that being with Mr. Good Enough is better than being with no one at all.

Maybe you’re clinging desperately to Mr. Oh Hell No because you’re afraid that no one else would ever love you.

Or maybe you’re actually with a really good guy, but you still just have that nagging question in the back of your mind: Is he really the right person for me?

But the thing is… just half-assing it in your relationship isn’t going to cut it.

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About The Author

Clay

Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

12 Responses to Is This the Right Relationship for Me? (Should You Commit to a Relationship?)

  1. Laura says:

    I freakin love this post. So true, Clay. Thanks for putting this out there!

    [Reply]

    Clay Replied:

    @Laura, Thank you for your comment and thanks for taking the time to read the blog :)

    [Reply]

  2. Hiten says:

    Hi Clay,

    I really liked the idea of writing down all the good things about your partner. I’ve heard this in the context of writing down things about one’s self. I can also see how this could really work, when writing about a partner, in order to help a relationship.

    Thank you.

    [Reply]

    Clay Replied:

    @Hiten, Hey long time, no see :) Thanks for the comment, and yes, I think that you can use this technique to change your focus to the positive things in just about any area of your life–career, body image, finances, health, etc. I really owe the exercise to Simple Marriage though :)

    [Reply]

  3. Alyssa says:

    How about if you’re in a relationship yet the guy refused (or in a better word-shy) to refer you as his gf? What’s the problem?

    [Reply]

    Clay Replied:

    @Alyssa, So are you in a relationship with him or are you just “hanging out” or something like that? If he’s unwilling to commit to a relationship to you, you should commit yourself 100% to him. This will help reveal if he has the capacity or willingness to commit to a relationship with you at all.

    If he doesn’t have to capacity to commit to you, and you want commitment, then you have to realize that he probably isn’t the person to give you what you want in a partner.

    If the two of you are in a “relationship” but he’s afraid to use any sort of label, then that’s a different thing, and something that I can’t answer without more information. Maybe he’s worried that if it has a “label” then it will lose the special quality it has. Maybe he just doesn’t like the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” Or maybe there’s something else.

    If that is the case, and he actually is committed to you, I’d also encourage you to ask yourself about your attachment to labels like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”

    [Reply]

    v Replied:

    Thanks for the reply Clay. Well, we are recently being in a relationship. But he kept denying he is in a relationship when someone asked him so. So I was wondering, why he was so scared to admit the truth. Is that because he scared he will lost the chance to see someone else, who is better than me?

    [Reply]

    Clay Replied:

    @v, It’s very difficult to say what’s on his mind. I know a few people who don’t like to tell other people that they are in a relationship until a few months have passed. That way, if things don’t work out in the early days of the relationship, they don’t have to tell all of their friends and family that they broke up after a few weeks.

    But, I can tell that this is important to you, so, I’d ask him personally. Just say something like “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but I heard that you told one of your friends that we’re not in a relationship. I understand if you want to take things slow, but I just wanted to know what’s on your mind.”

    It can take up a lot of energy trying to second-guess everything and over-analyzing it, but if you just approach him directly in a calm and understanding way, you’ll probably get the truth from him. I hope this helps.

  4. Alston Holmer says:

    A good relationship is pillar of a happy life so try to make a better relationship with your hubby, commitment is very important in your relationship.

    [Reply]

  5. redjinni says:

    its comfortable but the ideas had never worked for me.cause of a reason for me

    [Reply]

  6. gina says:

    I love your take on how to determine rather its a right relationship or not. Help us stay positive and stop finding excuses!
    I wondered to this page online because I am currently in a relationship with a man fall in love with, however, having tremendous difficulty accepting he has children with the ex forever being in their lives and they are very involved with co-parenting these kids..anger and jealousy is overwhelming
    I am doubtful that i have the big heart and skills to handle these emotions and any future complications…help me please….

    [Reply]

  7. Elsie says:

    I am 42… Still single and just realized why. Just learned to amend my “why can’t it works” to “why can it works”. My relationships always kick off well but to keep the flame burning is a challenge to me and often see red flags after about three weeks and thinking of reasons why this would not work. To save myself some heartache, I put on my tekkies and make for the door. Thanks for the post.

    [Reply]

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