Today I’m going to talk about something I personally struggle with, asserting boundaries, and why its so important in creating a healthy relationship.
Like I said earlier, I struggle with being assertive. I was brought up to think conflict is bad, and that one should never say no. And the way to getting what you want in life, is to be as nice as possible… even if it means you saying yes to things you dont like. I’m not saying don’t be nice to people, you should always be nice but within reason. And having to occasionally say no when it doesnt feel right to you does not mean we’re horrible people. Remember there a big difference between being aggressive and assertive.
Assertiveness, what does it mean?
Assertiveness is when one carries themselves with confidence without being aggressive (in other words without being a jack ass). It is a skill that you can learn quite easily and should never be mistaken for rude or arrogant behavior. It quite simply means you are self assured.
So why do we struggle so much with being Assertive?
Personally for me, my upbringing has played a large role in it. It is in our culture to be conflict avoidant. We’re taught from an early age to never say ‘no’ to people. God Forbid if you say no to someone and hurt their feelings. To be fair, in our culture people never talked about feelings haha. So when it came to things like feelings, people walked on eggshells.
So why is this a problem? and how does it affect our dating lives?
We have trouble saying ‘no’ to our loved ones. Maybe you want him to do the dishes for a change? or you want her to help paying the bills…Maybe these issues have been brewing for some time, and you just don’t know how to approach them, without sounding like an ass hole. So instead you just let it slide- every time and continue doing what you’re doing… in hopes that some how they’d realize it on their own… but then never do, do they? You know that feeling that’s brewing inside you is called? Its called resentment.
You see why, assertiveness is important to create a strong healthy relationship
Especially for you ladies out there dating. I know dating is hard as it is but a little bit of assertiveness can help you separate the high quality men from the boys. This is good news because you know you never have to settle for a man that cannot respect your boundaries. Like I said earlier, assertiveness is a skill you can learn and is a form of communication. You must learn how to communicate your needs without being aggressive towards the other person. One must always maintain composure when being assertive because it helps to keep the situation under control.
Next week I will do an article of on how to be assertive and give a few tips to get you started. Until then