In another article we went over getting clear on the type of man you’re looking for.

And doing that alone can help you have a much easier time finding the kind of guy you’re looking for.

However, that’s really only half of the equation.

Some women believe that they only need to be physically attractive in order to get the guy.

But that’s not true.

It’s only partially true.

Sure being good looking is a great thing to have going for you, but don’t think that’s all you need.

You can get pretty far with good looks, but you aren’t going to be able to KEEP a guy interested if there isn’t anything there under the surface.

Only the most desperate guys will want to stick around with a woman who doesn’t do anything for them emotionally or intellectually, even if she is the best looking woman around.

Okay, so that’s pretty obvious stuff.

Heck, you’ve probably been told that ever since you were a little girl.

But as trite as that sounds it’s true.

What do you DO with it though?

Well, let’s go back to our 5 by 5 list. What are the qualities of the Right Men for you?

Ask yourself what that kind of guy would want in a woman.

  • If you’re looking for a trustworthy guy, are you acting and behaving in a way that would make you more trustable?
  • If you’re looking for someone who is emotionally available, are you emotionally available yourself? (Because I can tell you that emotionally available men are going to be repelled by a woman who is not emotional available herself.)
  • If you’re looking for a guy who is fit and in shape, are you doing the best to take care of yourself as well?

Wait a minute! Am I suggesting that you CHANGE YOURSELF FOR A MAN?!?

Of course not.

I would never suggest that you pretend to be someone you’re not in order to get someone to like you.

However, I also happen to believe that dating and relationships are also a great vehicle for self-discovery and personal growth.

And if you’re having a difficult time attracting the right kinds of men, it’s probably not because all the good men are taken or because the type of man you’re looking for just doesn’t exist.

Either you’re behaving in a way that subtly repels the men you really do want. Or you’re behaving in a way that attracts the ones you don’t want.

And if you want different results, you’re going to have to change your approach.

So that means you really have two choices.

You can either change the type of men that you want, and learn to accept the types of guys you’re already drawing in to your life…

…Or you can change your approach by becoming the type of woman who will be more attractive to the kind of man that you’re looking for.

And of course, this isn’t about pretending to be someone or something you’re not.

This is about realizing that something you’re doing may not be working the way you want it to and doing something about it to get better results.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.





Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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