Do you ever feel like no matter what you do to try to “fix” your relationship, you can’t help but feel your relationship is just falling apart before your very own eyes?

Well, I got an email from one of our readers about a problem she’s having in her relationship that I think many people out there can relate to.

Our reader says:

I continually tell my boyfriend that I need verbal reassurance to feel secure in our relationship and then I NEVER receive it from him. I tell my boyfriend about something that really excites me or something I found to be amusing and he doesn’t respond. It makes me feel stupid and it makes me feel like he doesn’t share in the excitement or amusement with me.

Many of us have all been there (heck, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t be there)– feeling that your partner isn’t giving you enough attention (or affection) to help you feel secure and loved in your relationship. Here are three things to keep in mind if this sounds at all familiar to your situation.

1. Using Your Partner As Your Source of Love

If only my partner:

  • gave me more affection
  • told me they loved me more often
  • was more romantic
  • showed me through gestures on how much I meant to them

If you’re seeking validation or affection from your partner, you’re only setting yourself up for even MORE heartache and pain. Why? Because regardless of how hard you try, you have no control over anyone’s thoughts, feelings, desires or wants.

The only person you have full control over is yourself. This means the more you try to get your partner to give you more affection or attention–the chances of you getting the reaction you want are slim to none (and clinging to a certain outcome is a recipe for more heartache.)

(On a side note: I’m not talking about dropping your standards, changing your values or condoning bad behavior from your partner, like cheating or abuse)

Do you get upset when your partner doesn’t kiss you when you say good-bye or greet each other? Do you get indignant when your partner checks other people out? Do you tell your partner they act like they don’t love you?

No one likes to be told how to feel, act, think or do. Neither do you and neither does your partner.


Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

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