In the past, we’ve talked about how you will generally have better connections and relationship dynamics when you let the man take the lead.

However, I also have to say that as a man, it can also feel very nice when a woman puts for effort into the relationship as well.

There’s a common misconception that masculine energy (aka, most men) are active and feminine energy (aka, most women) are passive.

Therefore if you want to be an attractive feminine woman, you just need to be passive.

However, that is NOT true.

Being passive in life will rarely get you where you want to go.

Being passive in life just kind of takes you wherever the currents of life happen to be flowing.

(Spoiler Alert: this isn’t a great strategy if you have any sorts of goals or aspirations in life, especially when it comes to relationships)

Instead, understand that feminine energy isn’t passive.

No, feminine energy is receptive.

What’s the difference between passive and receptive?

  • Passive means surrendering what you want and just defering the decision to someone else.
  • Passive means “going with the flow” (even if the flow is taking you straight toward a massive waterfall!).
  • Passive means hoping and praying that things somehow go your way without you actually doing anything.

You probably already know that this isn’t a great way to go through life.

And this is where most women think they need to switch to ACTIVE in order to get what they want.

They need to plan the dates. They need to ask the guy out. They need to put in all the work.

Not only is this exhausting, but it is very unfeminine and it can completely kill the sexual polarity between the two of you.

The solution isn’t to go from being passive to being active.

The solution is to go from being passive to being receptive.

Being receptive, is about inviting the man to set the tone and take the lead while still letting him know what you want.

Here’s a real life example.

Many years ago, in my pre-Mika days, I met a very feminine woman. I got her phone number and called her up for a coffee date.

We met up and were getting to know each other. I told her about a new art center that had just opened up near where I live.

She got excited and, right then and there she made me promise her that I would take her there on our next date.

That is what being receptive is.

It’s not her being passive and just sitting there and hoping that I magically figure out that she’d like to go there.

And it’s not her being active and masculine by planning the date and asking me out.

Instead, she was inviting me to set the tone and take the lead by:

  • Showing her excitement
  • Showing her interest in seeing me again
  • Making me promise to take her somewhere in a fun way

That’s an example of being receptive and without becoming passive.

And let me tell you, this felt very, very good from my perspective.

As a man, there’s a lot of pressure put on us in dating. For better or worse, women and society expect us to:

  • Approach you
  • Be funny and entertaining
  • Get your phone number
  • Call you up and ask you out
  • Think up some kind of date
  • Pick you up
  • Pay for the date
  • Initiate the first kiss
  • Etc.

I’m not complaining about it. It is what it is, and there’s no use fighting it.

However, if you’re the guy and you’re initiating every thing and the woman is just saying things like “okay sounds good” every step of the way…

…There’s a tiny voice in the back of a man’s mind that wonders if she really wants to spend time with you or if she’s just being nice or polite.

When a woman puts effort into the interaction and dating by getting exciting, complimenting the guy, suggesting things you could do together, or even occasionally taking a more active role, it can be very refreshing.

It lets us men know that, yes, you actually is interested in us.

And it feels very good!

So, don’t think that you have to be completely passive like a limp towel in order to be feminine.

Remember passive is not feminine.

Receptive is.

And you can be receptive while still being completely excited, involved, and engaged.

In fact, men will love you for it!


Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

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