Hey there, this is Clay.

Today Mika and I are sharing some advice on how to deal with insecurity in relationships.

Maybe the following scenario sounds a little familiar:

There you are with your guy, walking down the street hand-in-hand.

Then, in the distance, you see a woman walking in the opposite direction. You look her up and down and you can’t help but feel intimidated. She’s so much better looking than you (at least that’s what you tell yourself). Thin in all the places you’re not. Bigger in all the right places and smaller in all the right places.

You look up to your guy to get a little reassurance…

But he’s not looking at you.

He’s checking her out!

That’s a problem that one reader is having with her fiance:

(PS: Yeah, I know the production quality on these videos is… well… less than pro, but Mika and I are still pretty new to all this.)

First of all, what I have to say (as a man myself), is that you really can’t get a guy to completely stop checking out other women (I doubt even electro-shock therapy could accomplish that!). It’s just a guy thing.

(I guess it’s a girl thing too… Two of my close friends in grad school were women and they were always drooling over any blond-haired, blue-eyed beef cake–so ladies, you’re not off the hook here either!)

But, it’s 100% on him to give you the courtesy of not doing it while he’s with you.

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About The Author


Clay is an author, blogger, and dating and relationship coach for Loving Boldly. He is also a nap enthusiast, coffee aficionado, and home brewer.

9 Responses to Caught Him Red-Handed Checking Out Another Woman!?! (Insecurity in Relationships)

  1. v says:

    Frankly speaking, I’m having this kind of thing now. Yes, I’m in a relationship but I’m in fear. I’m scared he will disappear soon. What should I do? By the way, how to ask you both personally? Through email? Your reply are much appreciated.


    Mika Replied:


    Shoot me out an email:)


    Clay Replied:

    @V, Yes, I think Mika could help you a lot in this area. I’d suggest sending an email to info [at] thepathtopassion [dot] com. Also, I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but I want you to know that no matter what happens with your relationship, you can enjoy a full and complete life with or without your guy. Without knowing anything more about you, I’d suggest checking out “fused relationships” for a little more insight on what you might be going through and how you can move forward.


    v Replied:

    Thanks Mika and Clay. I have sent an email to you guys. Do check it out! Thanks.


  2. v says:

    Hello, did you guys receive my email? Thanks.


    Clay Replied:

    @V, I’m sorry we haven’t been keeping up with email and such very well lately. We did get your message, but I’ve been so busy with some stuff I’m working on for the blog here that I’ve been “drowning” in email. Either Mika or I will get back to you tonight. Again, I really apologize for the delay and I thank you for your patience…


    v Replied:

    Hello Clay, thanks for the reply. I will be waiting for your reply then. :) Have a nice day.


  3. Laura says:

    Something that has helped me to overcome feeling insecure whenever a hot chick walks by is to work at being the best me–for my own satisfaction. When I make the effort to look a million bucks, rather than wearing sweatpants and disheveled hair, I always feel much better when that kind of situation arises. Not only that–I’ve found that it’s also really important for my self-esteem to pursue things I enjoy doing. I think that when you work at being interesting (by doing what interests you), on top of making an effort to look nice, it makes it a lot easier when you and your man walk by a skinny blonde with DD’s.

    Love this article. Nice job, Clay & Mika!


  4. Molli B says:

    The most important thing to consider is what constitutes cheating in a relationship? Every relationship is different and some people may have the motto “looking is free, but touching is extra” whereas others may believe anything beyond looking, touching, talking, etc. to me and me alone is cheating. It is just a matter of communicating with your partner to decide what is appropriate and inappropriate in your relationship. Check out this article on defining infidelity, I think you may find it interesting.


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