I waited for years for him to accept me and to love me. I thought if I changed myself enough, he’d give me a chance and that he’d love me. The good thing is because of him, I learned a lot about love and life. I learned a lot of things about myself. I learned to accept myself and love myself. Because of him I grew a lot as a person. And as a result I came to see that this wasn’t the best relationship for me.
I guess deep down I always knew, I was too afraid to admit it because I didn’t want to lose him. But one day it just clicked– I knew I was waiting for someone that would never accept me nor love me.
I had wasted so much of my time and energy fretting on the one thing I couldn’t change… his mind.
A lot of women want to know what men want.
It’s normal to wonder about things like this, especially if you want to have a great relationship, but you’re just not quite there yet.
However, things don’t just go in one direction.
Men also want to have great relationships with women (contrary to popular belief…).
What is it that men think women want? What is it they think that they need to have, be, and do in order to win the love of wonderful women like you?
This subject is a little bit close to me. After all, as a man, I used to be in the whole “dating game” before I met Mika. I know all the insecurities and weird hang ups that I’m about to share with you too well.
Plus, I know, from working with male clients, that a lot of my own concerns and worries are extremely common for men.
Here are a few things that men THINK you want in them.
Last week I covered about assertiveness and how it helps us to have success in our dating lives. So today I’m going to explain a little on how one can develop assertiveness as a life skill.
A quick recap of what we covered last week.
Assertiveness is not to be confused with aggressiveness.
Aggressive behavior is more focused on you winning all the time and does not in to take consideration the feelings of other people involved.
Assertiveness on the other hand is a about maintaining balance. You have to be honest about what you want but at the same time be considerate about the rights, and wants of others.
Some people are naturally assertive and it comes easily to them, but for the rest of us its not so easy but with practice we can get there. (more…)
Today I’m going to talk about something I personally struggle with, asserting boundaries, and why its so important in creating a healthy relationship.
Like I said earlier, I struggle with being assertive. I was brought up to think conflict is bad, and that one should never say no. And the way to getting what you want in life, is to be as nice as possible… even if it means you saying yes to things you dont like. I’m not saying don’t be nice to people, you should always be nice but within reason. And having to occasionally say no when it doesnt feel right to you does not mean we’re horrible people. Remember there a big difference between being aggressive and assertive.
I shot a quick video for you explaining why men pull away, what it means, and what you can do about it.
Here’s the video.
So, in this video, I explain the core driver behind male motivation (hint: No, it is not sex).
I also explain that the core reason why men pull away emotionally is because of this core male motivation.
In the past, we’ve talked about how you will generally have better connections and relationship dynamics when you let the man take the lead.
However, I also have to say that as a man, it can also feel very nice when a woman puts for effort into the relationship as well.
There’s a common misconception that masculine energy (aka, most men) are active and feminine energy (aka, most women) are passive.
Therefore if you want to be an attractive feminine woman, you just need to be passive.
However, that is NOT true.
Should you ask a man out?
Or should you wait for him to make the first move?
It’s no surprise that woman like men who take initiative, set the tone, and take the lead.
But what happens when you like him, and he just isn’t stepping up to the plate?
Well, I can tell you from first hand experience, that this is a bit of a common problem with men in our day and age. Many of them just are not accustomed to taking initiative with women.
There are a lot of reasons for this ranging from societal passiveness in general to men trying to let women be more equal due to exposure to feminist ideas. Now isn’t the time to really discuss all that heavy stuff.
This is only a relationship blog after all…
So should you ask him out or not?