Are You Ruining Your Chances of a Having a Remarkable Relationship?

Have you ever created an exquisite and romantic meal so fine that even Martha Stewart wished she was your lover?

 All in hopes to stir some kind of emotion or share a connection with your man.  Instead what you get is a dinner held in silence with occasional furtive glances and arid discussions about household chores that needs to get done. K… thanks, bye!  Then you each go off to your separate corner of the house.

Many women, especially ones in long term relationships, experience this often enough.  Are you pining for a deep and satisfying connection with your partner?

Are you riddled with thoughts like, Why doesn’t he look at me like he used to anymore? Perhaps he’s outgrown me – what did I do wrong?”

If you’re constantly reminiscing about the good old days when you both would try to sneak up on each other, laugh and play, have tickle fights, take walks at night while he kisses you so sweetly on the forehead as he tells you, “You’re the most wonderful person in the world…” You might be making these two common self-sabotaging behaviors women make in their relationship.

  1. You are focusing on the past or future.

You do not have the power to control what happened in the past or what will happen in the future.  The only thing you have control of is what you do right now.

It doesn’t matter that 3 years ago your heart was broken, stomped on, and now you’re having a difficult time trusting in your relationship.  It doesn’t matter that 5 minutes ago you and your partner had a minor disagreement over household chores.  What matters is what you make of it right now.

If you’re allowing what happened 2 weeks ago, yesterday, or 2 minutes ago to affect your relationship, you’re sabotaging your chance of establishing that loving connection you want.  Practice acceptance and let bygones be bygones. From here, you can focus on breathing in the moment and enjoying life with your partner.

Your past does not determine your present, but what you make of right now will determine your past.

Like what Ev’Yan from Sex Love Liberation has said, “The past and future are nothing but elaborate illusions.

When you dwell on the past or stress out about the future, you’re missing out on opportunities to connect with your partner!

Another self-sabotage behavior that prevents you from getting the relationship you want is that :


Mika enjoys helping others overcome their limiting beliefs that prevent them from having the relationship they want. She is also not a fan of being tickled and hopes that one day, Clay, will finally realize that, as they have way too many tickle fights...And Mika has a not-so-secret love affair with chocolate.

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3 thoughts on “Are You Ruining Your Chances of a Having a Remarkable Relationship?

  • October 11, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    Great points! I especially like what you said about not focusing on what you don’t want. I took a short course on performance driving, and one thing the instructor said again and again was “Look where you want to go!” If you don’t want to end up in the ditch or crashing into the wall, don’t look at the ditch or the wall! It’s great advice for driving and for life.


    Mika Replied:

    Haha, love the driving analogy. We should all live our life as if we’re driving a car– as in always looking in the direction you want to go. Thanks for stopping by Cara:)


  • October 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    I didn’t know what was going on with my fiance and I until I read this. I guess I have a lot of work cut out for me because I DO tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive. Also I tend cling to the past and bear grudges.
    Thanks for this reminder to stay present and positive.



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